Scripture Memorization (week 1)

Blessed is the man . . . [whose] delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.

Psalm 1:1-2 (ESV)

I remember every summer growing up, I would memorize at least one Bible verse for each Vacation Bible School I attended. There was one program where we memorized a verse a day. Granted, it was for bragging rights and/or trinkets, but as an Enneagram 3, I couldn’t pass up an opportunity for extra credit.

Sometimes, scripture memory was painful. I remember being in tears as I repeated back to my mom: “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move” (Matthew 17:20, NIV). The entire time, I was thinking, I don’t even like mustard. But sure enough, that passage is still ingrained in my mind. And, now that I’ve actually seen a mustard seed, I get it 😂

How many of you share those painful associations with scripture memorization from your childhood? Our parents and Sunday school teachers were doing a very good thing for us, whether we believed it or not at the time. Dallas Willard wrote:

Bible memorization is absolutely fundamental to spiritual formation. If I had to choose between all the disciplines of the spiritual life, I would choose Bible memorization, because it is a fundamental way of filling our minds with what it needs. This book of the law shall not depart out of your mouth. That’s where you need it! How does it get in your mouth? Memorization.

Willard, 2001, p. 7

Scripture memorization is fundamental to our walk with the Lord. I am lucky that memorization generally comes easy to me, as evidenced by my academic performance over the last 21 years. However, unlike the amino acids that I memorized for biochemistry that promptly left my brain, the Bible is is living and active (Hebrews 4:12). Once it’s in our mind, the Holy Spirit uses the Word of God to change us. I memorized Philippians in 2012, and I have few words to describe its impact on my life as a college student finding her identity. Now that I’m older and have lived more life, I am eager to memorize more passages and watch how the Holy Spirit uses God’s words to draw me closer in intimacy and to sanctify my heart.

John Piper argues that when we memorize scripture, we can commune with God and enjoy His person and His ways. He says that we, as broken human beings, are emotionally crippled. However, Scripture offers us hope and wholeness.

If we memorize . . . emotional expressions from the Bible, and say them often, asking the Lord to make the emotion real in our hearts, we can actually grow into that emotion and expression. It will become part of who we are. We will be less emotionally crippled and more able to render proper praise and thanks to God.

Piper, 2006, para. 14

Let’s practice this with an example:

Rejoice always,
pray continually, 
give thanks in all circumstances; 
for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Do not quench the Spirit. 
Do not treat prophecies with contempt
but test them all; hold on to what is good, 
reject every kind of evil.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-22 (NIV)

Imagine what would happen if we asked God to help us live out these words. What JOY we would find in the mundane!

This leads me to something God placed on my heart as I enter the new year. A few weeks ago, as I was finishing up my year-long, entire-Bible reading plan, I sensed a calling to spend January studying a single book in depth. I selected 1 & 2 Thessalonians. For me, that looks like reading the entire book every day and meditating on what the Holy Spirit is teaching me. So far, I’ve already been convicted of sanctification. He’s asking me what I will give up so that I can become more like Christ (1 Th. 4:3-5). More on that next week, I think.

And, if you haven’t guessed it yet, I will memorize all of 1 Thessalonians (and likely the second book as well).

THIS IS YOUR OFFICIAL INVITATION TO JOIN ME!!

 If we memorize 3-4 verses per day, we’ll be done by the end of the month. If you want a smaller chunk to memorize, here are some options:

  • For an attitude of gratitude: 1 Th. 5:16-22 ( ONLY 42 words)
  • For comfort in Christ’s second coming: 1 Th. 4:13-18
  • For a challenge to live a God-honoring life: 1 Th. 5:12-26
  • For encouragement about your walk with the Lord: 1 Th. 5:2-11
  • For encouragement to stand firm: 2 Th. 2:13-17
  • For a reminder of God’s faithfulness: 2 Th. 3:3-5

Will you join me? Let me know what you’re memorizing in the comments, and let’s share what the Holy Spirit is teaching us in this new year.

Sources

Calling (Week 26)

We’ve been discussing calling in my internship class, and this week, I had a near breakdown. Between the book we’re reading, the discussions we’re having, my devotional, and a podcast I’m listening to, I feel so far out of my element.

Supposedly everything we do is preparing us for our calling. If someone can tell me how my lettering business, my job at Hobby Lobby, my neuroscience research experience, and my graduate degree in higher education can combine into a calling, please enlighten me! To top it off, I sense some distinct calls from God that are unrelated to the above experiences, and I have no idea how they will come about, nor can I afford a business or life coach to help me out.

In The Art of Work, author Jeff Goins writes that the vast majority of people don’t know what their calling is. Those people who dream of being a professional ballerina from age 5 or being a doctor like their father are few and far between. Most of us need to do some heavy searching and discerning; we don’t generally “just know” our calling.

So, what do we do?

I wish I had an easy, 3-step plan for figuring out and embracing our calling. But I don’t. It’s different for everyone. And that’s part of the frustration.

I think the first and most important step is leaning into God. I distinctly remember a moment in chapel during my freshman year at college where God told me that I am called to be a repairer of broken walls and a restorer of streets with dwellings (Isaiah 58:12). That’s still vague, but at least I know that I am meant to bring about reconciliation in whatever I do.

It’s funny: as I write this, I’m actually getting the insight that I prayed for last week in my frustration. A few days ago, I sat down with my journal and wrote out alllllll my dreams–big and small–and every significant life experience or job I’ve held. I was looking for a common thread between them all. In aggravation, I proclaimed, “This is useless. None of this relates to higher education. Why am I doing this?”

I quickly jotted down that all my dreams seem to be sewn together by a passion for nurturing and cultivating others out of my own life lessons and experiences. In hindsight, I realize that if this statement doesn’t point back to the verse from Isaiah, I don’t know what does!

Great, so my dreams are in line with my vocational calling from God I received seven years. But these dreams that I am still too scared to share seem impossible to achieve based on where I’m currently situated. However, I am confident that I have followed God’s lead to this point, so my internship, my graduate program, and my plan for the next year are all in line with God’s will. What’s missing? Where’s the disconnect?

Ask me again in a few years, and I may have an answer. But for now, I’m trusting that as long as I align my heart with God’s, I will be walking along the path He designed for me.

This is a constant battle of learning to surrender my dreams to God, because His plans are far bigger than anything I can ever imagine. A few days ago, I saw an Insta-story of all the interns on a group conference call for an internship I didn’t get. Wow, that hurt much more than I anticipated. I have no answers for why I wasn’t selected, and that’s the part that stings. Presumably, it is not what will bring me closer to my calling in this season.

And so I enter this next week, renewing my vow to surrender my dreams to the Lord, trusting that He has my best in mind.

Your turn:
What tips do you have for discerning your calling?
How do you surrender your dreams to God?

Words are hard (Week 25)

I’ve been down for the count most of this week, dealing with a weird migraine thing. I’ll spare you the symptoms, but aside from work, I’ve spent most of the days lying in bed.

In this time, I have been leaning into God quite a bit. I keep reflecting back on an experience I had while studying abroad in 2014. In February, about a month into my semester, I began suffering from daily headaches. I went to several doctors, and the end diagnosis was stress, poor posture while doing homework, and culture shock. The body does weird things to get your attention. I am also convinced that there was an element of spiritual warfare involved because a day or two before the headaches started, I began giving up 10+ minutes of my time each day to sit in solitude with the Lord. That’s the sort of thing that gets the Enemy all riled up.

Here are some blog posts from that time if you want to read about my journey then:
Emotions
Unbelief
Observations

Eventually, the headaches resolved. But now, in South Carolina, I’m questioning what is going on. I’m certain there’s an element of culture shock, since CCU is very different from Messiah. I also know that I carry all my stress in my neck and shoulders. In fact, this morning, I woke up and realized how I had been clenching my shoulders up by my ears all night long. Surely that doesn’t help.

Also, I think I’m stepping into God’s calling, and that will undeniably make the Enemy mad. I’m choosing to be faithful in the little things He brings my way (like that blog post on hope two weeks ago) and diving into His word more and more intentionally. Certainly that will provoke resistance.

Fear. Fear is the Enemy’s greatest tool. It causes us to miss out on so much because we fear the what-if’s. With that post on hope, I chose to embrace the what-if’s and have hope anyway. So now the Enemy is finding another way to sneak fear into my life, and the headaches are certainly a weakness. I fear that they may have a deeper cause. I fear that they will debilitate my ability to enjoy this summer. The list goes on.

But recognizing that fear is the first step towards moving past it. God’s love and grace is greater and will carry me through.

*Note: I am in the process of trying to visit a doctor down here just to make sure the headaches are nothing worse; this is merely my reflection in the meantime. It’s a slow process since this isn’t my home.

Fried Chicken & BFFs (Week 24)

What do fried chicken and my best friend have in common?
They’re both in the South! (at least for the weekend)

1am airport pickup because of delays. 🙈
Lots of beach time! ☀️
Fried chicken for lunch 😋
And Brusters to finish out the weekend 🍦

I’m four weeks into my internship, and I am absolutely loving life!

Hope (Week 23)

Journey back a few years ago with me.

In the winter of 2016-2017, I went through the process of applying for graduate programs in neuroscience. After several rejection notices, I was flown out for the interview day for the last remaining program. I fell in love with the campus and people and felt incredibly hopeful about my potential to be a student there.

A few weeks later, I got an email: “Dear Emma, We regret to inform you….” I was crushed. I sent a text to my mentor, stating simply, “I didn’t get into Northwestern.” Five words. Her response: “I barely know what to write.”

I was in a downward spiral. Why would God let me hope? Why would He allow me to fall in love with a place and a program? Why would He rip my dream of studying neurotheology right out of my hands? I was without words.

Back to the present. In hindsight, I realize why I didn’t get into grad school then. It was my way of escaping an incredibly toxic work environment; even when completing the application process, I had a gut feeling that I wasn’t ready to return to being a doctoral student in the sciences. But that doesn’t make the situation any less painful.

I’m still scarred. I’m terrified of hoping for anything I want, because what if God doesn’t provide? Is it my hope or His? I like to think that I’m delighting myself in the Lord, and that He will give me the desires of my heart (Ps. 37:4). But that imposter syndrome tries to convince me otherwise.

That my desires are rooted in selfishness.

That I’m not spending enough time connecting with God.

That I don’t know how to read my Bible or pray.

That I’m a lousy Christian.

That I am in no position to write this post.

I know the pain and grief of having hope ripped from my hands, and I really don’t want to go through it again. Just like I’m cautious to put my trust in others, I’m also wary of anything that seems to be working in my favor.

However, I’m thankful to know a Savior who isn’t content to let me live in fear. Over the last month and a half, God has slowly been showing me what it means to have hope again. He is looking out for me, and it’s truly beautiful.

A few weeks ago, I whipped up this post on optimism. This morning, after receiving a promising email, God prompted me to expand. Let’s take a look at how He’s been overwhelming me with His mercy and grace.

  • I’ve been looking for opportunities to get involved in higher education administration on Messiah’s campus outside of my GA position. I’ve been blessed with the offer to sit on the graduate council next academic year and the chance to volunteer with the College Honors Program, helping design and implement new programming.
  • In the late spring, I began dreaming about giving up my part-time job babysitting and instead getting my lettering business to a sustainable place of providing income. I realized that in one lettering workshop, I can make at least as much money as I do in an entire month of babysitting. One workshop a month–2 hours of my time–I think it’s a no-brainer.
  • May 24: I received an email from a company asking me to do freelance mug designs for them. They respect my priority of school and will allow me to do however many designs per week as I deem feasible. Sweet deal!
  • May 28: I received an email from a different company offering me free products in exchange for Instagram content. Considering my growing love of chalk lettering, I will never turn down free supplies!
  • I’ve also been reflecting on how beautiful it is that God has graciously redeemed broken relationships so that I can genuinely enjoy time with people I love. He had to teach me to rely on Him alone, but what a beautiful gift to fellowship with these same friends now.
  • And some more promising things that I cannot yet share…

I have to constantly remind myself of these things so that I can declare God’s goodness and faithfulness. He does not disappoint. His goodness never ceases. While I never want to go through the pain of the grad school process a few years ago, I know with confidence that I would not be enjoying life as much as I am right now if He hadn’t walked with me through that storm of disappointment. Sure, I would have done well in a doctoral program, but I don’t think I would be approaching the future with such passion and excitement.

So now I’m learning how to allow my soul to hope as exciting things continue to flood my path. It’s scary. I wrote this post through tears because I am terrified of the disappointment that comes when my hope is not fulfilled. But hope is beautiful and good and God-honoring. Join me in finding one thing this week to thank God for, and allow hope to seep into the depths of your heart. I’m choosing to trust that it will be worth it and that God will take care of my soul.

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again— my Savior and my God!
(Psalm 43:5, NLT)

Finding joy in the simple (Week 22)

Let’s start with the obvious: the beach life is the best life.

Apparently all I have are insta-stories. Enjoy the built in captions 😉

Now that that’s out of the way, this week I’ve been feeling more grounded and am trying to give God my gratitude in the little things.

Things like pool time.

And sunny Sunday mornings when I GET to go to church.

And all the new people I met at church who have graciously invited me into their community.

How about turtle pond and all those cute little guys who come swimming at the sight of a human, expecting food!

Retrieved from Google images.

I’m thankful for free time.

Time to connect with God.

Long walks and bike rides and phone calls with my mom.

I see God’s hand in it all. How can I not return the glory He’s rightfully due?

Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; bring an offering and come into his courts. Worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness; tremble before him, all the earth. Say among the nations, “The Lord reigns.”
(Psalm 96:8-10a, ESV)

Welcome to CCU: Culture Shock and Love (Week 21)

First stop: photo with the campus sign!

Last Sunday, I arrived at Coastal Carolina University for my summer internship with Camps & Conference Services. I chose this internship strategically because I wanted experience both in housing and at a university different from Messiah. What I didn’t realize was just how much of a difference this would be!

My supervisor has cultivated one of the best teams I have ever been on. The conference assistants seem to get along really well, work hard, and return summer after summer until they graduate. However, there’s a lot of sarcasm, gossip, swearing, and talk about partying/drinking culture. I feel fundamentally disadvantaged in my ability to connect with the students.

I keep fluctuating between excitement and dread. Newness is exhilarating! While I still love getting to see and do all the things, I’m feeling drained. The culture here is so different from the Christian bubble within Messiah and my church community. Everybody is so super nice and welcoming; just last night I was at a baseball game with my co-intern and a community coordinator. But I struggle not having a person I can grab coffee with and discuss Jesus. I’m praying that person comes into my life soon, maybe even as early as tomorrow, when I attend church.

In all of this, God has been communicating a message of love to me. I honestly didn’t think I struggled with knowing how loved I am, but He seems to think otherwise.

  • The week before leaving, several friends dropped off gifts for the summer.
  • One of my best friends gave up her Sunday to drive down to Myrtle Beach with me and then fly home (#champ).
  • A mentor told me that God woke her up in the middle of the night to tell her to pray for me and send me a gift.
  • The next day, my mom texted me to ask if I knew how loved I was.
  • In my quest to determine my enneagram type, I looked more closely at 3; the message they need to hear is that they are loved just the way they are. Definitely wondering if that’s me. Stay tuned for more on that.

I don’t think God has ever shouted a message at me more clearly before. I’m not sure why he’s working on that, but I have a hunch that we’ll be working on breaking free from the opinions of others this summer, especially in an environment when I may be looked down upon for my faith. He works in mysterious ways, but I’m choosing to remain open to the growth that will occur this summer!

Optimism (Week 20)

This has been a super rough week.

Cue alllllllll the emotions pre-departure.

You’d think that since I’ve traveled so much and my job is to help students study abroad well, I’d have this down pat by now! Nope.

However, as stressful as this week has been between packing, goodbyes, and figuring out my course schedule, I emerge with an incredible optimism for next year. My soul is rejoicing!

In the fall, I’ll be volunteering with the College Honors Program at Messiah. Their needs and my interests could not align better!! Additionally, a research opportunity for my thesis suddenly fell into my lap. Yay for networking! I’m also optimistic that my GA position will bring new opportunities next year.

This has been a hard year. But, God has graciously taken everything I’ve tackled and transformed obstacles into opportunities. He is good, and He is following through with His promises. Glory be.

One year down… (Week 19)

And just like that, I have finished my first year of graduate school!

My, what a year it has been. Not only did I tackle classes at Messiah; I also took on a spiritual formation class through Alliance Theological Seminary. I’m pretty sure that was more work than all my classes at Messiah combined! But, I did it.

Here’s a rundown:

  • wrote 254 pages for 40 papers
  • submitted a 24-page assessment plan that I’m actually proud of! What a joyous feeling, instead of shame or regret.
  • completed approximately 220 ministry hours, including some incredible opportunities within my church.
  • consistently worked 30+ hours a week, plus loads of odd jobs
  • applied to 150 internships (not exaggerating here), interviewed for 50, and received 10 offers. I managed to secure a pretty dreamy one near Myrtle Beach, and am heading there next weekend!
  • oh, and did I mention my 4.0 GPA? 😉

I’ve shared a little bit throughout the semester about some of the lessons I’ve learned through all this. To recap, I’ve experienced burnout from overcommitment. But I’ve also experienced God’s grace, since He has called me to serve Him in it all. 

I’m walking a challenging journey of learning what full surrender looks like, because there are some things I grip far more tightly than I should. But again, God’s goodness never ceases. 

I’ve been overwhelmed by His favor recently, and my attitude towards God, hard times, and faith practices has completely switched, mostly as a result of my spiritual formation class. I still don’t like hard times, but I am thankful for how God continually redeems them in His perfect timing. 

I find myself unable to stop singing His praises, even when I’m sleep deprived and barely staying afloat in all my assignments. I’ve been blessed with an amazing support system and the exact provisions I need to get it all done, because this journey is not meant to be walked alone. 

The growth I’ve seen in myself is remarkable. 

soli deo gloria